Spectacular failures—The gifts that keep on giving

Estimated reading time: 6 minutes. Readability: Grade 4 (source: HemingwayApp.com)

Our troubled relationship with failure

We've heard quotes and thoughts on failure. We have heard how failure is valuable to learning. We embrace failure to some extent. Product teams talk about products or features that have not performed well in the market. If a business idea does not work well, we pivot. We identify teams or organizational structures that are not efficient and we optimize. Some teams conduct Retrospectives or “Retros”. At Retros, teams talk about what worked and what did not. They make some changes to improve. It appears that we learn from our failures. So what's the problem?

Problem1: Fear of challenges that seem insurmountable

We often ignore the problems that seem insurmountable. We shy away from "insurmountable" challenges because at a deeper level, we are not comfortable with not succeeding.

I once pointed out an organizational challenge to a product manager. Her response "Everyone sees the problem but it’s too complicated and no one wants to solve it." Her honesty was unique, her sentiment was not. People need to feel empowered to address problems we see.

Problem 2: The anxiety of perfection

Most people live in different levels of anxiety. This is, in part, because we have set the bar for ourselves at perfection. We set the bar at perfection because we have a false impression that life is perfect. We have this view because our society resembles produce aisles in a grocery store. Fruits and vegetables are not always picture perfect. But that’s not what we see in a store. We only see perfect produce. So it is with the rest of our life. We are generally inclined to talk about our own successes over our failures. This gives people the impression that everyone else’s life is perfect. This is not honest. This sets the bar for everyone at perfection, whether it is conscious or not. This goal of perfection is unrealistic and not sustainable.

Much like produce in our grocery stores, we have created a society where we share the best versions of our lives. This sets the bar at perfection. This is not honest. It is not sustainable.

A path forward

A deep understanding of failure will help us overcome reservations with tackling problems. I will cover two related topics in this writing. First, I will address the untapped potential that failure has to offer. Then I will share some tips on how to embrace and learn from failure.

Understand the hidden potential of failure

To understand the untapped hidden potential of failure, I will share one stories. This story is of my own professional failure.

Deeper the pain, higher the potential

My spectacular failure happened in my first full time job. I had a supportive manager. The company invested in my growth and development. And I reciprocated their support with my work and commitment. This relationship worked well. Until it didn't.

About a year into my role at the company, my manager changed. From there, things started to go south. Fast. Within a few weeks, I was fired.

At the time, I was an immigrant on a work visa. I had a few days to find a job with a company that would sponsor a visa. If I did not find a new job, my wife and me would need to leave the country. The country was recovering from the great recession. It was not easy to find a job. It was even more difficult to find one that sponsored visas.

The potential consequences of a job loss weighed on me for weeks. When I received my final notice, my system broke down. I could not go into the office for the final two weeks I had left to serve. It was a slow return to normal. Over the years, I learned many lessons from this experience.

Here are some of them:

I learned that our environment can elevate or suppress us. In my time at the company I experienced both environments. Me, the person, remained the same. The potential I had within me remained the same. What changed is the environment.
I learned that hard circumstances can force important decisions. About a year into my job, I knew I wanted to move from consulting to the client side of business. If I was not fired, I may not have made that change as fast as I did.
I learned the nature of business. We exist within a business to serve it. My role was valuable to the company and then it was not. That's the nature of business. It's not a reflection of who I am as an individual.
I learned that sometimes—no matter what you do—you cannot control an outcome or result.
"In life, pain is inevitable, suffering is a choice." I heard this quote from a spiritual teacher years before. This experience helped me understand the words. When you lose something, there is pain. But the suffering is something we add to the experience.
Almost a decade after this experience, I came across a teaching. The teaching stated that a person’s true identity is not defined by titles, roles or jobs we may perform. It stated that there is a risk in creating an identity around transient events or things.
That is what I did in my first job. I tied my sense of self to my role in the company—a transient thing. When I lost my job, I lost my sense of self.
I developed compassion for people who go through difficult experiences.

The pain of this experience was deep and so was the potential to learn from it.

The takeaway

Spectacular failures have an opportunity to be gifts that keep on giving.

Prepare for the inevitable

The stories above illustrate that spectacular failures are gifts that keep on giving. If that is so, then How do we prepare for spectacular failures? How can we embrace failure?

Humility—We stand on the shoulders of giants

Any work we do is bigger than one person. I had the fortune to listen to a talk by Prof. Daniel Kahneman. Prof. Kahneman talked about the work done by the people in the field that led to his body of work. Then, Prof. Kahneman said, "We stand on the shoulders of giants." Prof. Kahneman, a noble laureate, spoke with genuine humility. Humility is for everyone. No matter who we are and what we may achieve. If we embrace a mindset of humility, we take our selves out of the equation. We are more open to failure.

Own challenges and failures

A friend once volunteered personal information to me. She shared that in her efforts to have a baby, she had miscarriages. As she went through the pain, she learned that miscarriages were rather common. But they are seldom spoken about. This was news to her, and she wanted to break the silence. It was powerful. Honesty about one's own challenges paves the way for others to endure the same.

My friend's action is one inspiration for this writing. This writing is about personal challenges and failures. The intent is to break the stigma about talking about challenges and failures. To break the image of the perfect world we have created. So we may embrace a world that is real. A world that is beautiful with all its imperfections.

“Act but not for the fruit of action”

— Bhagawad Gita

Redefine Success

Some definitions of failure include, "lack of success," "a falling short," "omission of occurrence or performance." These definitions of failures beg the questions: What is success? What is the goal? Often, we define success by the outcome of our actions. I perform an action, and the result or outcome, will determine whether I have succeeded or failed.

There is another way to define success. What if how I perform the action I perform, defines success? What if the result or outcome does not define success?

There is an ancient Indian philosophy from 2000-2500 years ago. The philosophy says that we have a "right to act, but not to the fruit of our action."

This ancient philosophy is still relevant but rarely recognized. One rare such example is from a retreat in 1982. Steve Jobs used his favorite maxim to inspire the team that created the Mac: "The journey is the reward".

“Remain even minded in success and failure”